Everybody leaves
by Seren McGowan
Summary: "He is so tired of being left" A Chuck Bass character study.


_Chuck has messed up a whole lot of times, it's true. But Blair has, too, and no one seems to remember. So this is for Chuck, because there's nothing better than Chuck Bass at his worst._

_I own nothing uxu_

* * *

**Everybody leaves**

* * *

He never notices just how tired he is until he arrives at the Empire and locks himself up in his suite-_alone_.

He is so,_ so_ tired.

Sometimes, during the night, he lies awake in his bed and pretends he's not Chuck Bass anymore. He pretends he's Henry again, and he will always be. Because Henry was the kind of guy who could stare at himself in the mirror without feeling nausea.

But when Chuck Bass stares at himself in the mirror, sometimes, he want's to puke.

He feels like Dorian Gray; such a pretty face, for such a rotten soul.

No wonder Eva left. She didn't belong there, with him. She belonged somewhere where the sun always shines and the people are good and the air is pure and everything is white and immaculate, like her.

She is too good for his rotten, dark, shallow and traitorous New York.

The only thing he has left, he thinks, is the fact that he was loved by her. He, Chuck Bass, was loved by someone who didn't care that he was Chuck Bass.

But in the end, she was too good for him, too.

It's nothing new, _everybody leaves_.

Because he is Chuck Bass, and he is already past the point of no return, and he has already done so many bad things, and he has already hurt so many people.

He has even killed a man. Himself.

But he is only 20, and it shouldn't be like this.

He shouldn't be so miserable. God couldn't be so cruel.

But he _is_ miserable and God _is_ cruel, and he takes away the only thing that made him good.

And he is _tired _of being left.

So he stops thinking about Eva, he buries her somewhere in his chest, with all the things that could have been good and savable of him, and goes back to the beginning.

And, somehow, like if he had never changed, he is back to being Chuck Bass.

The name is sour in his lips, and it leaves behind a taste of sweet oblivion.

Eva was right. Being Chuck Bass doesn't mean the same anymore. It means so much more, and it's all for the worse.

He's not a bad person, he knows he's not. It's only a matter of survival.

He is so, so tired of being left.

Every word he speaks to Blair is like a step in the wrong direction. He feels it, in a blink of an eye, Blair undid everything Eva had done.

With every word, Blair breaks what Eva had repaired.

But it's not the same anymore.

He wishes, deep inside, that he could be devastated by what Blair did, he wishes her words hurt, he wishes her hate hurt.

But it doesn't, any of it. _Nothing_ hurts anymore.

It's been too long; he's been alone, and stepped on, and heartbroken, and he is tired of feeling vulnerable. He is tired of being weak.

He is tired of being angry.

Slowly, he forgets about Henry, and about Eva, and about everything that was good in him. He takes the name "_Chuck Bass_" to a whole new level of hate and cynicism and sarcasm and selfishness.

And yes, he is alone, but for the fist time in a long time, he doesn't care.

People are bad, people leave, but he will show them; he can be _so much worse_.

Blair is good at that, he thinks. Even when they loved each other, she would always bring out the worst of him. He still loves her, in some way, and he knows she loves him too, but there's too much hate, and pain, and betrayal and lies between them.

They deserve each other.

But he's so, so tired of being left.

He had forgotten just how good he was at being bad.

It's what he was meant to be, it seems, so he just goes with it, and stops pretending there's still something still worth saving in him.

He feels nothing, and even though is not better than the feeling of being good, it's so much better than feeling miserable.

He misses no one, he loves no one, he cares for no one, he has nothing more to loose.

Yes, he's Chuck Bass.

But sometimes, in the middle of the night, he'd lie awake in bed and pretend he's Henry.

Henry was a good man, but, with time, Chuck Bass forgets about him.


End file.
